Why do we continue to tear down our own confidence?

I don't really know what I want to achieve by this post.

It's probably going to turn into one of those rambly, moaning posts which I love but you probably don't.

I have pretty much always suffered with low confidence. I was a confident kid, but once I did all that growing up it went again, and then took another nose dive when I ventured off to University.

It's taken another nose dive recently, probably because of my mental health at the moment but also because, to be honest, I really don't think a lot of myself. At all.

I don't feel like I deserve to be happy, I don't compare to anybody, nobody really wants me around and I'm unsure of everything. But who does this to me? I do.

I have a wonderful boyfriend, who constantly says and makes me feel like I'm actually not horrific to look at or be around. I have some great friends, family and nobody has actively said anything horrible about me or my appearance for quite some time. So why do I continue to think that they do?

The thing is, think of it like this. I worry my hair doesn't look right, my clothes don't suit me, they're too bright, they're too dark, the lipstick I'm wearing makes me look extra pale... you name it. But if I'm walking down the street and I see a woman in bright red lipstick. Am I going to think, oh that lipstick doesn't go with her eyes, when her hair is up it shows off her chest bones and looks terrible, her dress doesn't go in at the waist.


Tbh, I could see a woman going out in a lingerie stocking and whilst I'd probably be like wtf, if she was confident in what she's wearing I'd still admire her. So why do we think that people think things about us that we don't even think about others?

I don't really know where I can go with my confidence here, or my general well being, and I don't really know the point of this post.

I just kinda wanted to get it off my chest.

I know it's a lot easier for me to say to you, I know it's hard to listen to advice from someone you've probably never met but next time you tear yourself down for something about yourself, think about whether you'd even notice that on someone else. I'm gonna hedge my bets with you wouldn't.

Yes it's great to be all girl boss and love yourself and all that shibbaz, but I need to focus on the reality of me.

Take one step at a time, wear/do whatever it is makes you feel good. Don't wear pink 'cause you think it makes the boys wink, don't wear frilly tops just because they're in fashion, wear that blue dress that you think brings out your eyes. Because that's the first step.

And I'll try and follow my own advice too.